Lead Me

"Lead Me To The Cross"

Author Unknown

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemption's hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

[Chorus:]
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
Human
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen

Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

[Chorus]

To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart

[Chorus]

Random, Odd, and Perhaps Unnecessary, Thought

Are you the person you thought you’d be ten years ago?

She Learns

*"When we contemplate the all-powerful, always-in-control, Lord of our lives and Lord of the world, we can rest in the knowledge that He has the whole world in Hand." -Billy Graham*
 Billy says in his book Unto the Hills "It is not enough to instantly stop all ungodly thoughts that enter our minds, one must always be filling their minds with His word." I learned this week, (and it wasn't for the first time) the intense importance that should be placed on our time with Him.
 I sat down in the living room last evening, my mind still spinning, and started telling my Dad about my day, all the way from being wide awake at two in the morning, and the van breaking down at four thirty in the afternoon, to the sharp horror I felt when I realized the importance of the song Jesus Loves Me and the revelation that I've failed to teach it to the NBCC kids.  Approximately one zillion things happened in-between there as well. And in each split second He was at my side. Don't ask me how I would have done this week without His help, because I have no idea. I'd probably be unconscious and babbling about applications, first graders, overdue and unread library books, interviews, and stressful relationships.  My Mom made a comment last evening along the lines of: "You had your past few months all brought up to look at today didn't you!?" Yes Ma'am, I did. And when the past few months are as intense as mine have felt, a day of summarizing them can be a bit overwhelming.
 In Sunday School today we read Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick. But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life." Someone asked the question that was on the tip of my tongue "what happens when we keep on desiring something, something good, and it never comes?". I've had that question burning on my mind, along with: How do we turn keen disappointment, impossibly hard relationships, and each split second, over to Him. Automatically, with out becoming bitter when it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel?
 The answer was simple. Don't fail to consistently turn it over to the Lord, and find your fulfillment and joy in the Lord. Don't look elsewhere for it, because God is the one who holds the whole world in His hand.
 "There are many plans in a man's heart. Nevertheless the Lord's counsel - that will stand." Proverbs 19:21
 "May He grant you according to your heart's desire. And fulfill all your purpose." Psalm 20:4"
I've decided that the key to those two verses is making sure that our desires and plans are based on what we know the Lord wants for us.
 And when plans fall through, new glitches come up, and hard to handle criticisms come your way. Turn them over to the Lord. And above all else. Keep your mind sharp in the Word, spending time with Him as much as possible.
 And please, teach the little children that "Jesus Loves You". Don't ever, ever, take a moment with a child for granted. We were put here to give. So above all else, strive to give glory to the Lord, and teach the children what it means.

For this, I thank you Lord.

It isn't me who gives. It's God through me. And that means that when I'm dead inside it doesn't matter... It only gives Him more room to move.
 And on the days where life feels literally devastating and you wonder what the point to even trying to give is. When you have a bitter come back for every inspirational thought that comes your way. When the doors are all closed, and that open window that's supposed to be there is all blacked out.  On those days when all of you is used up and all you have left to give is the rocks on the "rock bottom".  When all you feel like doing is picking up those rocks and throwing them around with all your might to see if you can break a window open. It's on those days when other people see what you have inside of you after you've hit rock bottom.  
 But the "rocks" of the Spirit are: Love, Joy, Peace, Forbearance, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control. 
 Reach down and pick up peace, and use it to take love with you to find kindness, and the kindness brings joy to someone, and inspires them on to do goodness, and you realize that with God's faithfulness, you've gained the self control to put gentleness into action and not throw those rocks. But only allow Christ to display the beauty of them. And this is where forbearance comes in. Because we all know, that after you've already managed a whole day of this. It's gonna take a colossal amount of forbearance to do it again tomorrow. But with Him filling us, all this is possible. And for this, I thank you Lord.

A Day in the Life

Sitting at Back Roads thinking about the difference between Chiang Mai's coffee shops and Hayward's... Wow. Okay, so I can't type today. At all!!!
 I think the biggest prob is wondering if someone is watching over your shoulder the whole time... Like, they can actually read what I'm writing in this country. Dude. I think I should move to the other side of the room so my back is to the wall *walls can't read*.
 I finally got that call today. The one where I say "Yes, of course, what time works best for you? I can make that work, yes. See you then!" And as soon as I hang up I think through the whole conversation. And wonder if I'd hire myself if I was Steve, after talking to me. I have an interview at two on Thursday... Which means leaving from my mid week vacation at the cabin earlier than the others. And driving home by myself. I'm gonna have Mom let me drive on the way up. I don't wanna do Duluth for the first time alone. There would be advantages though... Like no one else getting killed if I smash the whole jeep into tiny little bits.
 Mom and Dad just got back last night from a weekend up there. They say there is snow. Lots of snow. More snow than Hayward. Like. a. lot. more. (Yeah, I know I sound like I'm going crazy. I wonder why I would sound like that!???)

At the Cabin

 There is an NBCC meeting tonight. I'm looking forward to actually sitting and talking and not chasing kiddos around. It's been a very very long time since we had a meeting. Like, 6? months. Too long.
 *this coffee is good!*
I'm beginning to get whiplash trying to make this post connect. Sorry. Tis what my whole life is like right now. I tried making a list the other day of everything I've done in the last few weeks. I gave up. What's the point?
 I was going to call CAM today... If Steve didn't call. I was all geared to pack my bags and head off to some place where it is already spring and hang drywall or make meals for the next three months. Steve called.
 Carolyn Martins... Noah's girl. Asked me to play piano at her wedding. I'm practicing, I really am. But the one piece makes my ears twitch and my eyes go crossed. Okay, that was an exaggeration... But STILL! May I pick a different version of the same song? I'll talk to you next weekend I guess.
 I just noticed that they have one of the same pictures on the wall here that every single shop in the whole of Hayward has. Hm. Someday I'm gonna write a book that's popular like that. NOT!!! *shudders*
 I read part of a book this morning that I found in the Weaver's bookcase. About self discipline. Wow. It was good, really good. And it stepped all over my toes. Several times. The dear author said that of all the things we need to have discipline and control over, it's how we talk. And I had just like, gotten mad and, yeah. It's Monday. That's a poor excuse. Sorry.
 I should get going. It's getting later-ish and I still need to go shopping. And study for school. And, okay, you get the picture. I have a meeting tonight too! Goodness! Bye!

Wild-n-Wacky

Blurry picture I know... But that's what the last month has been like... One big wild-n-wacky blur... But a good one at that.

 Weavers left a week early for their spring break up trip and I was quite suddenly jobless... So I've been doing about a gazillion different things to keep myself busy. And trust me, busy is a marvelous word for it!!! Monday's project was ordering my Thailand pictures, picking them up, and sorting them... I discovered that I shan't be trying to do that all in one day again. I ended up with a somewhat random collection of pictures. Lol!!! Oh well, I'll just have to fill in the blanks sometime. Pictures like the one of Nong Dew and I, Pii Phone and I, and Mae and I are totally missing. Which is highly frustrating because I can't seem to find them amongst several thousand pictures :P Not cool. A word to all you girls who are behind on your scrapbooking/picture albums. Don't get behind. :) :) :) Yeah, easier said than done. 

 I sent an application in for a new job about a week ago and still have not heard back from them... Beginning to wonder if I should look for some summer VS work to do. MDS maybe??? We shall see. I'm not all that thrilled with the idea of being gone for the summer with Chari having just gotten back... Ha! Now you know how important you are girly!!! But so be it. A girl must have a job, perhaps, I guess. :) 

 Grandma told me while I was down there a few weeks ago that when she was my age she earned 4/5$ a day. I always wonder what for horrifying fact I will tell my grandkids to shock their socks off!

Me: "When I was your age Charlie, the first African American was elected as President of the USA!" 

Charlie: "Oh come on Grandma, I'm not that gullible."
Me: "No Dearie, it's really truly true!!!"
Charlie: "Sooo, do you remember when Grandpa had hair!?"
 I've gotta run... there is church tonight and I have-eth work to get-eth done.