DJ did it again yesterday. He looked up and said "I'm being good all day today aren't I?". So I assured him that, yes, he was, because, well, he was. And sitting here tonight it occurred to me that what he needed was confirmation. Confirmation that everything was going good, and that I was happy with him.
People are that way allot I think, when they've messed up it takes a long time to reassure themselves that they can actually achieve and do it right. "It takes hundreds of compliments to build up a persons self esteem, but only one unkind word to take it back down" -Unknown. I know I'm that way. I'm a "words of affirmation" person, or so I've been told, and I believe it, one affirming word can go a long ways for me. I like to know if I did the job right, I like to know if they're happy with the job. And I like a simple, honest, "thank you". It thrills my soul to hear it.
But I swing too far the other way, a hint of aggravation at something I did or said can bother me for a long time. And I tend to mull it over, trying to tell myself that it's okay. But in the back of my head there's still a little voice saying "you really messed up that time, you aren't ever gonna live it down, they're gonna remember that forever". How does a person learn to live above that?
I think for me, the answer is believing their "I forgive you" with just as much trust in the fact that they really do, as the trust I have in them telling the truth when they are thanking or complimenting me.
Why is it so much easier to believe the negative than it is to believe the positive?
Nice post Frank. I guess I haven't thought much about this. Probably cause I'm not so much an affirmation person. Thanks for posting. -Lisl
ReplyDeleteGood post...I can so relate! I guess I must be a "words of affirmation" person too!
ReplyDeletePhilippians 3:13-14 speak nicely to the issue of "beating yourself up" about the past.
ReplyDeletePositive reinforcement is quite necessary with children (coupled with the appropriate correction when needed), but I don't think I'd go the the extreme of your unknown quote author....
P.S. conformation and confirmation are quite different...Just my Lattin comment for the day :) ~GB
Yes you're right Gabe about the first part. I think the "unknown authors" saying might perhaps only make sense the unfortunate souls such as I who have been there and done that. Thanks for the "Lattin comment" :) I read and reread several times but that particular misspelling escaped me.
ReplyDeleteI just found this post and it was just plain right on. I am very like that and its not all bad. For my aggressive personality it helps balance me and teaches me about being merciful and give words of affirmation more often. Good post. Wise words.
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