A Day in the Life

Sitting at Back Roads thinking about the difference between Chiang Mai's coffee shops and Hayward's... Wow. Okay, so I can't type today. At all!!!
 I think the biggest prob is wondering if someone is watching over your shoulder the whole time... Like, they can actually read what I'm writing in this country. Dude. I think I should move to the other side of the room so my back is to the wall *walls can't read*.
 I finally got that call today. The one where I say "Yes, of course, what time works best for you? I can make that work, yes. See you then!" And as soon as I hang up I think through the whole conversation. And wonder if I'd hire myself if I was Steve, after talking to me. I have an interview at two on Thursday... Which means leaving from my mid week vacation at the cabin earlier than the others. And driving home by myself. I'm gonna have Mom let me drive on the way up. I don't wanna do Duluth for the first time alone. There would be advantages though... Like no one else getting killed if I smash the whole jeep into tiny little bits.
 Mom and Dad just got back last night from a weekend up there. They say there is snow. Lots of snow. More snow than Hayward. Like. a. lot. more. (Yeah, I know I sound like I'm going crazy. I wonder why I would sound like that!???)

At the Cabin

 There is an NBCC meeting tonight. I'm looking forward to actually sitting and talking and not chasing kiddos around. It's been a very very long time since we had a meeting. Like, 6? months. Too long.
 *this coffee is good!*
I'm beginning to get whiplash trying to make this post connect. Sorry. Tis what my whole life is like right now. I tried making a list the other day of everything I've done in the last few weeks. I gave up. What's the point?
 I was going to call CAM today... If Steve didn't call. I was all geared to pack my bags and head off to some place where it is already spring and hang drywall or make meals for the next three months. Steve called.
 Carolyn Martins... Noah's girl. Asked me to play piano at her wedding. I'm practicing, I really am. But the one piece makes my ears twitch and my eyes go crossed. Okay, that was an exaggeration... But STILL! May I pick a different version of the same song? I'll talk to you next weekend I guess.
 I just noticed that they have one of the same pictures on the wall here that every single shop in the whole of Hayward has. Hm. Someday I'm gonna write a book that's popular like that. NOT!!! *shudders*
 I read part of a book this morning that I found in the Weaver's bookcase. About self discipline. Wow. It was good, really good. And it stepped all over my toes. Several times. The dear author said that of all the things we need to have discipline and control over, it's how we talk. And I had just like, gotten mad and, yeah. It's Monday. That's a poor excuse. Sorry.
 I should get going. It's getting later-ish and I still need to go shopping. And study for school. And, okay, you get the picture. I have a meeting tonight too! Goodness! Bye!

Wild-n-Wacky

Blurry picture I know... But that's what the last month has been like... One big wild-n-wacky blur... But a good one at that.

 Weavers left a week early for their spring break up trip and I was quite suddenly jobless... So I've been doing about a gazillion different things to keep myself busy. And trust me, busy is a marvelous word for it!!! Monday's project was ordering my Thailand pictures, picking them up, and sorting them... I discovered that I shan't be trying to do that all in one day again. I ended up with a somewhat random collection of pictures. Lol!!! Oh well, I'll just have to fill in the blanks sometime. Pictures like the one of Nong Dew and I, Pii Phone and I, and Mae and I are totally missing. Which is highly frustrating because I can't seem to find them amongst several thousand pictures :P Not cool. A word to all you girls who are behind on your scrapbooking/picture albums. Don't get behind. :) :) :) Yeah, easier said than done. 

 I sent an application in for a new job about a week ago and still have not heard back from them... Beginning to wonder if I should look for some summer VS work to do. MDS maybe??? We shall see. I'm not all that thrilled with the idea of being gone for the summer with Chari having just gotten back... Ha! Now you know how important you are girly!!! But so be it. A girl must have a job, perhaps, I guess. :) 

 Grandma told me while I was down there a few weeks ago that when she was my age she earned 4/5$ a day. I always wonder what for horrifying fact I will tell my grandkids to shock their socks off!

Me: "When I was your age Charlie, the first African American was elected as President of the USA!" 

Charlie: "Oh come on Grandma, I'm not that gullible."
Me: "No Dearie, it's really truly true!!!"
Charlie: "Sooo, do you remember when Grandpa had hair!?"
 I've gotta run... there is church tonight and I have-eth work to get-eth done.

Spring is today, not tomorrow.

It's spring now.
 How can I tell?

There are lemon drops on the table.

 The snow is melting.

The logging trucks are all empty and forlorn looking as they trundle home on roads that suddenly have bans on them.

 The shops in town have half off sales on the boots and scarves I've been drooling over all winter long.

 My Geranium is FINALLY going to bloom.

I'm looking for summer work. *Anybody know of a few good cleaning jobs in the area?*

 Every-other teenager I know is suddenly getting married.

 Mom planted 50 *correction here, Mom says it was at least 100 (small giddy dance going on here)* tulip bulbs while I was in Thailand. I'm dreaming about them at night... Okay... So not quite, but you get the idea.

 I finally took the pine boughs and white candles out of my window sills.

Dear Horrid Hay-Fever,
 I do not like you. At all. And how you manged to find me in March is beyond me. It's disturbing. With no love, Frank 

The sky is blue again.

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Sparkles, Sunshine, Summer, and Serenity

I like sparkles. I discovered this about three months ago. I used to think that only 12 year olds liked sparkles. I bought some, and put them on my phone, and my white board. I think I’m reverting to my second childhood. Or something.  Maybe it’s an attempt at adding some sparkle to the way I think right now. Maybe.
 
Sunshine is not just a beautiful thing. It is needed. I’d like to meet the person who came up with the idea to describe sunshine as “liquid”. It’s beyond my imagination I’m afraid. Sunshine is just so. not. liquid. Vivid yes. Vibrant. And many other things.  But liquid? Please explain.
 
It is time for summer. And flip-flops. And long walks. And swimming. And open windows. And flowers. And freshly mown grass. And thunderstorms. And 90 degree weather. Yes please.

Serenity is a word for me to strive towards right now. Not placidness, like a Holstein cow. But calmness, and graciousness.  And joy in the moment. Serenity means joy in the moment to me.

Smile? On a rainy day!?

                                                        
You. have got. to be kidding. I don’t want to smile today. It rained.
And don’t tell me to “dance in the rain” cuz I can just see the girl who wrote that, you want to know what she looks like?  Blue eyes, tall, thin, “put together”… She just had a bad day, like a rotten day, and it rained. But, guess what! She, being Miss Perfect, is able to see past the fogged up window on her little car, out into the reflection on the road. And she, being Miss Perfect, is imagining herself there, dancing, twirling in a white dress, to the tune of a Mozart piece.
I don’t listen to Mozart. I don’t own a white dress. I don’t dance. And I drive my Mom’s mini van.
And over and above all those other reasons not to dance in the rain. I hate “looking like a fool”. I would rather hide in a small cave and poke my head out once in a blue moon, while hiding under a large black umbrella, than stand out there and get soaked. I don’t care if the others ARE having a water fight and attempting to  enjoy the general dampness of life. If I can live in my cave and journey abroad only under my large black umbrella. Life is good. Unless someone tells me to dance. In the rain.
Someone told me to today. Not word for word, but in essence. “This is the way things are, work with it”.  But that means I have to go out in the rain, with out my umbrella. It means I have to interact with all those water fight people. It means I have to be there for the person who got water dumped in their face. It means I have to join a team and work together with them. It means I have to listen to someone else boss me around. It means I have to be willing to get wet… And dance while I’m at it.  It means I have to lay aside my pride and fear of looking like a fool. It means I have to remember, Who’s making it rain.
Who is making it rain. Wow. How often do we look at that side of it? It’s raining for a reason. Something is dry and needs the water, something is going to grow because of this. Something is going drown. And it’s your choice if you’re going to grow, or drown.
Drowning has always been one of the most nightmare-ish ways to die in my mind. The desperate flailing, trying to stay above water. That burning feeling as you swallow mouthfuls and it comes out your nose… The deafness, because even your ears are full. The blurred and stinging vision, because your eyes are full. The tingling as your adrenaline pumps, but your body continues to slowly shut down in the chilly water.  The panic, as all you can think of is , “air, solid ground, breath”. Every sense is consumed in one thought, saving, who? Yourself. In the very act of drowning, your selfishness is exposed for the world to see. 
On the other side of it is growing. The darkness as you’re buried under the heavy wet soil, the searching for light and realizing that in the act of doing this you’re losing who you used to be, your shell is coming off, you’re going to be exposed for the world to see all the ugliness you fear is inside. Or not? In searching for the light and reaching upwards have you shaken off the old? Are you going to burst through the darkness, clean and stretching towards light? And as soon as you see it you know. It’s worth it. It’s worth the pain, and the stretching, it’s worth losing who you knew yourself to be. The person you’ve been carefully protecting under your shell. Sure the rain is stressful, sure it shakes the beauty and tempts you to give in and sink back into the ground. But with out it, you’d die.
So even if you don’t dance. We are called to do at least one thing: Go stand in the rain, and smile.

A Jitter-Bug on Steroids

I'm sitting in the living room of a lovely Indiana home, jittering like a jitter-bug on steroids. This person doesn't do well with energy drinks... and five months of not drinking one and then jumping in on 2 cups of coffee and a whole one is worthy of a ten year old who is visiting grandma... But she did it anyways. And now she is seriously regretting it. She starts talking a mile a minute... Interrupts herself by saying "I'm going to shut up now"... and then proceeds to add a few more embarrassing comments.
It reminds her of the time she was at the dentist and they gave her "laughing gas", with out asking her first... and she got so "out-of-it" on it that she got the floating sensation that people who do drugs talk about... And then she got MAD, very mad... and even more mad when the dentist and the nurse walked out of the room and forgot about her for 10 minutes. After they were done working on her mouth. And they forgot to shut off the laughing gas. She has forgiven them. Yes. She has. Yes...
Only she knows that she has no one but herself to blame for the caffeine and sugar.
 She also has her music turned on so loudly that she can't hear the people talking ten feet away from her. And she's enjoying it, allot. She's her father's daughter and after day two of people people people she is ready to crawl in a hole and pull rock over the opening. (Thus the loud music and attempt at zoning out.)
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 I'm going into missing Thailand and desperately working on keeping my head out of the water mode. I firmly decided not to get depressed and mopey. It's taking all of my determination to stick to this after a whole month of not doing anything, with this awful flu.
 Tomorrow morning we are heading out early for Wisconsin. I'm looking forward to traveling, I love traveling. (Unless it involves riding in the very middle of a plane for 12 hours). Road trips are awesome though.
 Monday morning I'm going to start school, or at least pretend to. I want to go get my 54 wall cards put up and get 4/5 Weaver children started on piano lessons. And then I'm headed into town to clean a house (The one that has dog hair in the shower and small sized tooth brushes at the sink... and there are no children in that house.) And then I'm going to race home as fast as I can and teach another piano lesson. This time to my gorgeous second cousin, who is a Hershey and has music in her heart... She is a complete joy to teach.
 And then I'm going to study for Tuesday.... and then... and so goes my life for the next week. Rushing to and fro like a wild woman.
But that's okay, because I'm gonna stay busy that way. And thus forget that Thailand is warm, and has fresh fruit, and rice... And people that I miss. It also has a glorious lack of Rockstar Energy Drinks.