Spring is today, not tomorrow.

It's spring now.
 How can I tell?

There are lemon drops on the table.

 The snow is melting.

The logging trucks are all empty and forlorn looking as they trundle home on roads that suddenly have bans on them.

 The shops in town have half off sales on the boots and scarves I've been drooling over all winter long.

 My Geranium is FINALLY going to bloom.

I'm looking for summer work. *Anybody know of a few good cleaning jobs in the area?*

 Every-other teenager I know is suddenly getting married.

 Mom planted 50 *correction here, Mom says it was at least 100 (small giddy dance going on here)* tulip bulbs while I was in Thailand. I'm dreaming about them at night... Okay... So not quite, but you get the idea.

 I finally took the pine boughs and white candles out of my window sills.

Dear Horrid Hay-Fever,
 I do not like you. At all. And how you manged to find me in March is beyond me. It's disturbing. With no love, Frank 

The sky is blue again.

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Sparkles, Sunshine, Summer, and Serenity

I like sparkles. I discovered this about three months ago. I used to think that only 12 year olds liked sparkles. I bought some, and put them on my phone, and my white board. I think I’m reverting to my second childhood. Or something.  Maybe it’s an attempt at adding some sparkle to the way I think right now. Maybe.
 
Sunshine is not just a beautiful thing. It is needed. I’d like to meet the person who came up with the idea to describe sunshine as “liquid”. It’s beyond my imagination I’m afraid. Sunshine is just so. not. liquid. Vivid yes. Vibrant. And many other things.  But liquid? Please explain.
 
It is time for summer. And flip-flops. And long walks. And swimming. And open windows. And flowers. And freshly mown grass. And thunderstorms. And 90 degree weather. Yes please.

Serenity is a word for me to strive towards right now. Not placidness, like a Holstein cow. But calmness, and graciousness.  And joy in the moment. Serenity means joy in the moment to me.

Smile? On a rainy day!?

                                                        
You. have got. to be kidding. I don’t want to smile today. It rained.
And don’t tell me to “dance in the rain” cuz I can just see the girl who wrote that, you want to know what she looks like?  Blue eyes, tall, thin, “put together”… She just had a bad day, like a rotten day, and it rained. But, guess what! She, being Miss Perfect, is able to see past the fogged up window on her little car, out into the reflection on the road. And she, being Miss Perfect, is imagining herself there, dancing, twirling in a white dress, to the tune of a Mozart piece.
I don’t listen to Mozart. I don’t own a white dress. I don’t dance. And I drive my Mom’s mini van.
And over and above all those other reasons not to dance in the rain. I hate “looking like a fool”. I would rather hide in a small cave and poke my head out once in a blue moon, while hiding under a large black umbrella, than stand out there and get soaked. I don’t care if the others ARE having a water fight and attempting to  enjoy the general dampness of life. If I can live in my cave and journey abroad only under my large black umbrella. Life is good. Unless someone tells me to dance. In the rain.
Someone told me to today. Not word for word, but in essence. “This is the way things are, work with it”.  But that means I have to go out in the rain, with out my umbrella. It means I have to interact with all those water fight people. It means I have to be there for the person who got water dumped in their face. It means I have to join a team and work together with them. It means I have to listen to someone else boss me around. It means I have to be willing to get wet… And dance while I’m at it.  It means I have to lay aside my pride and fear of looking like a fool. It means I have to remember, Who’s making it rain.
Who is making it rain. Wow. How often do we look at that side of it? It’s raining for a reason. Something is dry and needs the water, something is going to grow because of this. Something is going drown. And it’s your choice if you’re going to grow, or drown.
Drowning has always been one of the most nightmare-ish ways to die in my mind. The desperate flailing, trying to stay above water. That burning feeling as you swallow mouthfuls and it comes out your nose… The deafness, because even your ears are full. The blurred and stinging vision, because your eyes are full. The tingling as your adrenaline pumps, but your body continues to slowly shut down in the chilly water.  The panic, as all you can think of is , “air, solid ground, breath”. Every sense is consumed in one thought, saving, who? Yourself. In the very act of drowning, your selfishness is exposed for the world to see. 
On the other side of it is growing. The darkness as you’re buried under the heavy wet soil, the searching for light and realizing that in the act of doing this you’re losing who you used to be, your shell is coming off, you’re going to be exposed for the world to see all the ugliness you fear is inside. Or not? In searching for the light and reaching upwards have you shaken off the old? Are you going to burst through the darkness, clean and stretching towards light? And as soon as you see it you know. It’s worth it. It’s worth the pain, and the stretching, it’s worth losing who you knew yourself to be. The person you’ve been carefully protecting under your shell. Sure the rain is stressful, sure it shakes the beauty and tempts you to give in and sink back into the ground. But with out it, you’d die.
So even if you don’t dance. We are called to do at least one thing: Go stand in the rain, and smile.

A Jitter-Bug on Steroids

I'm sitting in the living room of a lovely Indiana home, jittering like a jitter-bug on steroids. This person doesn't do well with energy drinks... and five months of not drinking one and then jumping in on 2 cups of coffee and a whole one is worthy of a ten year old who is visiting grandma... But she did it anyways. And now she is seriously regretting it. She starts talking a mile a minute... Interrupts herself by saying "I'm going to shut up now"... and then proceeds to add a few more embarrassing comments.
It reminds her of the time she was at the dentist and they gave her "laughing gas", with out asking her first... and she got so "out-of-it" on it that she got the floating sensation that people who do drugs talk about... And then she got MAD, very mad... and even more mad when the dentist and the nurse walked out of the room and forgot about her for 10 minutes. After they were done working on her mouth. And they forgot to shut off the laughing gas. She has forgiven them. Yes. She has. Yes...
Only she knows that she has no one but herself to blame for the caffeine and sugar.
 She also has her music turned on so loudly that she can't hear the people talking ten feet away from her. And she's enjoying it, allot. She's her father's daughter and after day two of people people people she is ready to crawl in a hole and pull rock over the opening. (Thus the loud music and attempt at zoning out.)
*************************************************************************
 I'm going into missing Thailand and desperately working on keeping my head out of the water mode. I firmly decided not to get depressed and mopey. It's taking all of my determination to stick to this after a whole month of not doing anything, with this awful flu.
 Tomorrow morning we are heading out early for Wisconsin. I'm looking forward to traveling, I love traveling. (Unless it involves riding in the very middle of a plane for 12 hours). Road trips are awesome though.
 Monday morning I'm going to start school, or at least pretend to. I want to go get my 54 wall cards put up and get 4/5 Weaver children started on piano lessons. And then I'm headed into town to clean a house (The one that has dog hair in the shower and small sized tooth brushes at the sink... and there are no children in that house.) And then I'm going to race home as fast as I can and teach another piano lesson. This time to my gorgeous second cousin, who is a Hershey and has music in her heart... She is a complete joy to teach.
 And then I'm going to study for Tuesday.... and then... and so goes my life for the next week. Rushing to and fro like a wild woman.
But that's okay, because I'm gonna stay busy that way. And thus forget that Thailand is warm, and has fresh fruit, and rice... And people that I miss. It also has a glorious lack of Rockstar Energy Drinks.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I read Pippi Goes On Board today. And discovered that if ever there was an author who had a weird mind it was Astrid Lindgren. Wow.  "My name is Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Mackrelmint Efraim's Doughter Longstocking, daughter of Captain Efraim Longstocking, formerly the Terror of the Sea, now a cannibal king. But everybody calls me Pippi."

 I find that disturbing. At least Charles Lutwidge Dodgson could come up with a nice sensible name like Alice, for his main character.  
 I actually think part of the problem is that my brain is having a hard time keeping up with normal everyday happenings right now, let alone odd things like un-birthday parties, and cannibals.
 I'm beginning to think that when I grow old and hobble around with a pink hat on my head and carry a parrot on my shoulder, that I shall still have a packet of tissue's stuffed in my large yellow purse and be blowing my nose and eating cough drops every other minute. (I do SO love run-on sentences!!!). 
 I was supposed to start school a week ago yesterday, and guess what, I still haven't. I shall probably still be feeling guilty about not being able teach when I'm old too. DJ and Gin will probably have forgiven me by then though. So I shall survive.
 There is NBCC tonight. I just remembered. I'm going to miss it. Shucks.  
I am going away now. This post is beginning to look disturbingly much like something Lindgren or Dodgson would have written, oh dear. Ta ta! -Frank

 

Random Doodles

Spending my day sitting at my desk with my ear's full of music and holding a pencil...
 I'm actually supposed to be making wall cards for school, after the 40-something-eth one my mind is kinda wandering around in circles and I keep catching myself staring out of the window at the blue sky and leafless trees.
 I have a list in my notebook (which now has 7 more pages with random doodles) for today. Calls that needed to be made, school stuff, looking through my Psychology book to figure out how/if I want to work through it this winter. I've started on the list but I'm not getting anywhere very fast with it.
 Went to NBCC this week, first time since being home. It went really really great and it was WONDERFUL seeing the kids again. I missed them.
 Next Monday I start into teaching again, and piano lessons. Part of me is looking forward to getting back into "humdrum" and part of me is feeling just a tiny bit frantic. I'm hoping and praying I can find something constructive to put the frantic into. (The Psychology book is part of that plan). And skating, I want to skate lots and lots this year, we shall see if that happens. It's cold cold cold in this country and I'm having a hard time working up the braveness required to go out into the frigidness. The other thing I've been kicking around in the back of my brain is a plan to start some sort of etsy/ebay shop. I'm still deciding if I have enough smarts for that though. Mom's been talking about doing the same thing, maybe we can work at it together or something.
  It's starting to get dark out and I need to get on with life. -Francis